Emotionally Focused Therapy (or EFT) is an evidence based couples therapy modality developed in the 1980's by Dr Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. It is considered the gold standard in couples therapy. EFT grew out of Attachment Theory which highlights the importance of the emotional bond between caregiver and child. Johnson and Greenberg found that the emotional dynamic in adult love relationships closely mirrored that of child and caregiver and that we can understand dysfunction in romantic relationships as the response to an unmet need for emotional security and comfort in times of stress.
In EFT couples therapy, we aim to take a close look at the patterns of disconnection and distress that a couple finds themselves stuck in together, often over and over again. These patterns make up what we call a couple's "negative cycle". We explore the unique emotional experience of each partner within the negative cycle - paying attention to body sensations, action impulses, meaning making and similarities to past relationships or traumatic events.
With as much time and gentle curiosity as it takes, we uncover the tender unmet needs at the root of the distress for each partner, basically answering the question of "why I do what I do when I'm upset with you". Then, once we understand what's going on on an emotional level, I guide the partners to practice communicating these more vulnerable feelings with one another - this way of sharing can feel new and risky. With this practice, we're giving our nervous systems a realtime experience of safety in vulnerability, which deepens trust and creates security in your relationship bond.
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